California State of Mind

Lovelies,

Ending my East Coast retreat was daunting.

No matter the extent to which I got what I needed. No matter the extent to which I more than vaguely recalled my love for my life in California.

I know return to be a reckoning. A blinking alert to the under-noticed. An access, fleeting but vivid, of tensions, intentions, as-yet unfilled desires.

For about 48 hours I'd truly see my apartment. For about a week I'd stand before my ongoing portrait of myself -- with a paintbrush. 

Well, I'm happy to report that the eagle has landed.

The bread has risen.

I have faced the music!

And as usual, I quite like music.

My biggest takeaway from my hideaway is a reacquaintance with solitude. I probably come across as a creature versed and comfy with her own company. But there are ways the past 8 years of health struggle, etcetera struggle, and some straight up ambition complicated that relationship. Somewhere in my transition East to West it has been remembered to me. I've been savoring it in ways I recall only from age 18-24. You know, the years of 4 people sharing 2 rooms.

Also and equally, I have returned to some awfully sweet connection. 

So thank you dear Cali! So supremely nice to see you!

With love,

Rachel