Conceal/Reveal

Lovelies,

I will always remember the day I came to terms with myself as a performer. I was scheduled to open for Spencer Day at the Independent. I loved Spencer with the full hearted awe of watching a first star peek through the twilight -- he was my VERY favorite. It was also the first time I'd perform with my own band.

But I wasn't in a great head space. Far from enthusiastic, I was sitting in a stupor with my journal wondering why I'd become a singer/songwriter at all. Yes, I understood the songwriter part... Creating felt like a clear marching order. But performing? Why? Did I actually want to do it? Was it misguided? Selfish? DIAGNOSABLE??

I warmed up my vocal cords with lots of crying. But in the end I made an important discovery. WHATEVER the reason, for me, creativity completes itself in the sharing. Wrapping and giving my gift. Submitting myself for witness. 

I wrote myself a pep talk, tucked it in my boot, and took the stage clearer than I'd ever been.

Since then, part of my creative health is a frequent check in: Where am I on the conceal to reveal spectrum today? When left to my own devices I will ALWAYS skew toward conceal. I'll give myself just one more hour, day, week in whatever creative cocoon I've fashioned for myself of late. But then I remind myself of the other aspect of my job. It's perhaps the most interesting practice in my most introverted months -- such as this one. I wake up and ask myself: even here, what quiet piece can I share?

With all my love,

Rachel