A Case For Fantasy

Lovelies,

Some of the greatest losses of my life have been losses of illusion.

The past few weeks I've looked upon a constellation of precious illusions. Watched spellbound as every few days one of them burns bright. Lights the whole sky. Explodes and is gone.

This is to say, it's been a period of loss.

I believe I've always had a profound relationship to illusion. My very first memory is of a dream: Kidnapped. Locked in an attic. A phone rings. A soothing voice tells me everything is ok. I know it is a lie but allow myself to be soothed.

26 years later another dream, this one lucid: Lying in bed. Similarly allowing myself to be soothed by something I know is a lie. Suddenly lifted into thin air. Carried across the room and set on my knees. I wake trembling on my knees on the far side of the room.

As in: Not anymore, kiddo.

Meanwhile, fantasy is the beating heart of so much of my creative work. A song about a bad decision I hadn't actually made (see Dance Me Around My Room, and by the way then I did go ahead and make it and had lots of fun). A song about building a pretty great life on a foundation of fantasy (see House Where We Didn't Live, actually you can't because I haven't released it yet). A song from real experience but told with fantasy audacity (see 90% of my catalog).

Writing with and for other artists has only augmented this. Now not only do I get to write things I'd never say, I get to write things I'd never even sing! It remains surreal that there's a Journey song about me leaving my hometown. 

And maybe there is a distinction to be made between fantasy and illusion. Illusion is a low ceiling on truth. While in fantasy I am realer than reaI. I surface troves of shipwrecked treasure. I glide to truth's farthest reaches. 

And now I believe fantasy can even dispel illusion. For example this morning. I fantasized the future around the bend of my lost illusion. It took all my strength to see through the haze of grief. But I glimpsed it! A world vast and beautiful, holding me to its chest like a favored child. The loss remained. But suddenly it felt very small.

All my love,

Rachel